Mean Mom Syndrome

Mean Mom Versus Mythical Mom

(And for all viewers--please note the uncanny similarities in the pictures. Ashley shot this picture of me back in January at Jessica's 5th birthday party. We were downstairs and the bookcases were in the background, just like in the picture of the mythically perfect June. If I had been wearing a necklace like Mrs Cleaver--I might have freaked out a little).

I'm a mean mom. I admit it. I killed June Cleaver (in my head) about 12 years ago. RIP. I thought I'd be everything that my childhood perception of my mom was NOT...smart, soft- spoken, hip, funny, ie. the "cool" mom. Umm. I'm not even my adult perception of my mother!! And my kids think I'm mean. Life has come full circle. I AM MY MOTHER!! (Now--that's a whole 'nother story--for another day, no less).

One of the funniest stories from my childhood is when my youngest brother was at a neighbor's house and was called home for something. He was a little pig-headed and wasn't coming. Pretty soon my mom was down the road to get him and things were not going according to her or his plans. (**At this point, I need to add a disclaimer that this story was retold to me by the neighbor's son about 5-6 years after it happened, when I ran into him on-campus when I was at BYU--so this was HIS story relating to my mother).

So as the story goes...James wasn't coming home and Mom won the war. James yelled out in his frustration: "You are MEAN....and (slight pause while he tried to come up with another vile description of her) UGLY!!" This startled the neighbor kids for a moment, and then they all had a great laugh as James was escorted home by his mother. Jump ahead a few years. I moved into a house off-campus that happened to reside in the same area as this former neighbor (Chris Towne). He was a riot of a kid, funniest class president ever, and all-around nice guy. His family had moved away from Washington after he graduated from high school and we had lost contact with them until I ran into him this fateful day. He recognized me instantly and wanted to know how my family was...adding, "How is 'Mean and Ugly'?" I had no idea who he was talking about until his recounted the story about my mom and James. We had quite a laugh. But that description came running back to me as I was dealing with my own kids and I was accused of being the same thing as my mother. The curse had come full circle. Kids really know how to push the "Mom" buttons, somehow.

So back to June Cleaver. I bet her kids never thought she was mean or ugly. Gosh. They probably never thought of her at all, because children don't seem to recognize or reprimand perfect mothers. I live my life in COLOR...unlike Mrs Cleaver. Think about it. She never had an argument with her perfectly coiffed husband, Ward. (no comment). She didn't know what it was like to be vertically-challenged in a moderately-padded body. She only had 2 average children--boys, no less--not 5 chitlins who know more now about life at 12, 10, 8, and 5 than that ignorant man-child who liked to go by a term that is no longer socially acceptable in today's lingo. "The Beav"grew up eventually and became an actor making peanut butter commercials or something silly like that; Wally was ever the shallow and reluctant older brother with a best-friend, Eddie, who was always high on testosterone and self-confidence. Older children in my world can be overly obstinate, vocal, and mean...ahhh. And that's how the cycle spins. I don't think I would have made it in the age of June Cleaver. Thank goodness we can appreciate the past and build our own future.

The moral of the story: If you've got to be mean--make sure you're not ugly too. Um....maybe not, but just maybe....if you're ugly, don't be mean? Oh well. Philosophy 105 sucked and I can't pull all the loose ends together to conclude the point. But I know that even though I suffer from MMS (Mean Mom Syndrome) occasionally--I love my kids and hope that they know that "this too shall pass" and I hope that they will remember me in kind ways, and not just mean and ugly.